Careful what you say

The other day I was with my kids in the McDonald's drive-through - it was one of those two-lane ones - and the person in the other lane was merging into the my lane so he could pay and get his food. He wasn't paying attention at all and stood there for a while letting a gap form between him and the car in front of him.

Now, I don't yell at people from my car, but I do get frustrated with bad drivers and I usually mumble something to myself (never bad words, luckily - not even something like "turkey-butt" like my dad used to). So I'm grumbling about how he's not paying attention and my son starts like chewing him out in his 3-year old way. "Move forward, geez. Hey, go to the white car. Ahhh," etc. My wife and I started laughing and he just kept going.

Even when the guy finally closed the gap, my son was still laying into him. We had to explain that the person was now as far ahead as he could be and it was OK to calm down.

First of all, it's scary how much you have to watch what you do and say around your kids. Luckily we don't swear or anything, so we don't have to watch ourselves: it's who we are. But even in those little things like how we treat people on the road, they are watching and they will learn from who you are.

Turns out he gets the frustrated "Ahhh" from my wife; I heard her use it today which I hadn't really noticed before. But the rest of his rant was probably from me. And you know what, he's already changing the world, because can you guess who is going to be a much nicer motorist from now on?

Today's Dads

I thought this article was interesting.

Fatherhood 2.0

It talks about how masculine today's dads feel. It says fathers today are changing what it means to be a man. I guess I can agree with that. I think men were always supposed to be what they are becoming today. It talks about how dads now-a-days are with their kids more and are more loving. That's such great news.

One of the most interesting things was how becoming a dad decreases testosterone levels and how having a dad in the family, really makes a difference.

Ironically, dads who take on parenting roles once considered emasculating may simply be responding to nature. Studies have shown that men experience hormonal shifts during their female partner's pregnancy. A man's testosterone level drops after settling down to marriage and family, perhaps in preparation for parenthood, as the male hormone is thought to be incompatible with nurturing behavior. In one study, for example, men with lower amounts of testosterone were willing to hold baby dolls for a longer period of time than those with a higher count. In another, the very act of holding dolls lowered testosterone.

More evidence of nature's intent to design men as active parents might be seen in the effects of involved fathering on children. Given the politically charged debates over same-sex unions and single parenting, it is perhaps not surprising that the richest area in the nascent field of fatherhood research is in the results of fathers' absence. David Popenoe of Rutgers University has pointed to increased rates of juvenile delinquency, drug abuse and other problems among children raised without a male parent present. Research on the unique skills men bring to parenting is sparse but intriguing. Eleanor Maccoby of Stanford University has found that fathers are less likely than mothers to modify their language when speaking to their children, thus challenging their kids to expand vocabulary and cognitive skills. Fathers also tend to enforce rules more strictly and systematically in reaction to children's wrongdoing, according to educational psychologist Carol Gilligan. "Having a father isn't magic," says Armin Brott, author of seven books about fatherhood, "but it really does make a difference for the kids."

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1668449,00.html#ixzz1eJdEJlfH

Kids don't need a Nintendo, they need a dad

Tonight I was jumping on the bed with my kids as we held hands. What a great moment. You have to enjoy the small moments with your kids, but it's not so much because time slips through your fingers, which it does, but it's because your kids need time with you. And they need for you to love that time as much as they do.

It reminds me of what one of my mentors once said: "Kids don't need a Nintendo, they need a dad." I completely agree. Don't take me the wrong way. I love playing video games. Tonight I was actually boxing and shoot archery with my son on the Wii. My dad played with my brothers and I, and those are some of my favorite moments with him. But the point is, it was with him.

So whether its wearing pink sunglasses, being slapped repeatedly for sport, kissing stuffed penguin after stuffed penguin, or jumping on the bed holding hands. It's those small moments that help you love being with them so they can have the time that they need with you.

And so that they'll love you and take care of you when you're old ... that's what my dad says at least.

Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth

A Father's Role

This comes from a speech by Ezra Taft Benson. I recommend you read the whole thing, but here are some highlights.


"Your homes should be havens of peace and joy for your family. Surely no child should fear his own father—especially a priesthood father. A father’s duty is to make his home a place of happiness and joy. He cannot do this when there is bickering, quarreling, contention, or unrighteous behavior. The powerful effect of righteous fathers in setting an example, disciplining and training, nurturing and loving is vital to the spiritual welfare of his children."


And here are a few things that really made my day (the numbering is as it appears in the speech, but I only put a few here):

1. "4. 
   Go on daddy-daughter dates and father-and-sons’ outings with your children. As a family, go on campouts and picnics, to ball games and recitals, to school programs, and so forth. Having Dad there makes all the difference.
2. 5. 
   Build traditions of family vacations and trips and outings. These memories will never be forgotten by your children.
3. 6. 
   Have regular one-on-one visits with your children. Let them talk about what they would like to. Teach them gospel principles. Teach them true values. Tell them you love them. Personal time with your children tells them where Dad puts his priorities....
4. 8. 
   Encourage good music and art and literature in your homes. Homes that have a spirit of refinement and beauty will bless the lives of your children forever."

Proclamation of Daddyhood

Many people today have the wrong idea about family, and mothers and fathers, and males and females. I think too many people get caught up in the idea of equality. For men and women to be equal does not mean that they have to be the same.

Men and Women are inherently different. This is good and right. We both bring important strengths to the table that the other doesn't have. We compliment each other and together we can be one perfect team.

I seek to be a voice of reason about being a Dad. It's the best thing a man could ever be, and no success outside of the home can ever make up for the joy of being a dad. I've cried more tears of joy in the few years of having kids than ever before in my life. And I have to admit: I'm a crier. I ball like a little baby. And it sure feels good, almost too good to contain sometimes.

Children need Daddy. I'm not down-playing mothers at all. Just the opposite. Mothers are essential and without my wife, my kids and I would be nothing. But they need a daddy.